i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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