I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
