Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
