Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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