singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
