Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
