yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
