I want to walk on stilts...naked
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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