Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
