I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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