apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
