She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
