i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
PANTIES FOUND
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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