your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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