I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
