in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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