i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
