I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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