jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
