Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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