dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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