Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
two words: eviction party
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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