i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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