he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
