plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
