did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
