If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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