i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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