I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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