we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
