i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
