i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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