I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
