Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
