It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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