Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
