Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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