Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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