he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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