try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
