Whod you bang
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
