He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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