I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your penis caused this!
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