Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
