we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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