I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
