you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
