I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize