Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
