Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
