I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
