If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
