don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
