3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize