I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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