May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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