ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
