Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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