Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
