please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
