cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
