Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
