My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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