porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
