I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
