At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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