My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
