Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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