i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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