ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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