So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
