i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
