I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
