he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
