Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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