Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
