I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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