Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
