I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
