this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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