I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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