Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
