We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
