So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
