you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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