i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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