How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize