my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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