one two three fourrrrnication!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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