Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
